Wow.. Where has the time gone.. I’ve been hiding under a rock apparently.
I guess I just haven’t mustered up the energy to post blogs. Or I just simply forgot about this blog. Yep. That’s it.
Let’s just say that this week just isn’t my week. This year just isn’t my year and it’s only the 19th day of the whole year. Negatives: I am still single. I haven’t lost the weight that I wanted to lose. I still walk with the cane that I want to throw out the window on my drive home Every.Single.Day. It’s winter and I have the winter blues I guess. It’s only 9:30am and I have until 4pm before I can go home. I signed another year lease and the rent went up. It’s slippery outside. It’s snowing. I all of a sudden feel like I’m going to throw up or shit my pants–either one it’s not a good feeling going through my body right now. I’m bored out of my mind. Positives: It’s Wednesday so half the week is over. I have an hour and a half before lunch. I’m going shopping today. I’m looking at a picture of my beautiful niece and handsome nephew. I’m writing a blog so I can feel better. I have great friends. I have a great family. I have a job. I have insurance. I have a dog who listens to me and doesn’t talk back. I’m alive. I have this wonderful bottle of water sitting next to me begging me to drink it.
Last night was the beginning of my terrible week. It started with resigning my lease and then just went down hill from there. I lost it. I called my sister. Was a bitch to her. Hung up with her and then called my mom. Luckily she answered because I really didn’t feel like explaining my negative attitude to my dad. I lost it though. Everything just came out of me. I couldn’t stop crying. No matter what she said, I would cry harder. I pretty much through a pity party for myself. I felt like the world was just crashing down on me and I couldn’t catch my breath. It hasn’t been this bad in a while and I think I just needed a good cry. I miss my friends. I miss the ones I used to go out for a drink with and just hang out or call to chat or laugh with. I miss everything about them. I don’t have anyone like that here. Everyone either has children or is married and doesn’t want to just hang out and laugh and watch movies. I’m single. I’m 26 going on 27 with not even a chance of a boyfriend in my life. I was talking to this guy and thought things were going well. I told him about my leg and ever since that email. I haven’t heard from him. That’s fine. I don’t want someone like that in my life because you get me the way I am. If you can’t accept that then screw off. I’m on WW but am finding myself still eating like crap because I have NO will power and it doesn’t help that I’m in a department with people who don’t care about their weight because they don’t have any to lose. It’s the most frustrating thing that I could ever ever do. I know I can lose the weight I want to lose. I’m paying for a subscription and just wasting away money if I don’t focus on me. I always muster up the guts to get the motivation to finally lose the weight and then I lose the motivation. Pathetic. This time is for real. I think that’s what’s causing my unhappiness. My weight and my leg. My leg feels like the biggest burden in my life right now. I’m 26 years old and have never EVER had to walk with a cane. Now. I get a new leg and I’m walking with a fricken cane. It just disappoints me more than anything.
I need a new beginning, whatever that may be. I need one. A new job? Significant Weight loss? A new home? A new project? A new boyfriend? A new area? A vacation? Something. Anything.
Until then. I will continue to throw myself a pity party.